27.5.10
17.5.10
Alone
Alone: adjective, adverb. 1.On one's own; by oneself.2.isolated and lonely.3.only; exclusively.
sometimes i start to forget how much my community means to me. i feel this way every few months or so. i will call them 'episodes'. the pull to travel and experience new sights and sounds hits me hard. i get bored with where i am at. let me specify. where i am working and the fact that this job doesn't even come close to touching the desires of my heart, my passions, my longing for adventure, and for life. i thought i was done here. i believe i am close, but every day that passes brings me closer. there isn't much consolation in knowing that. i want to be able to see it. to hold it in my hands. to know it and embrace it with my heart. my spirit longs to stand up and flow in my giftings. to be heard, to be seen, to be creative, to learn, to experiment, to grow, to experience life, to be loved, to love, to be bold. i am tired. i am overwhelmed. i feel stuck. something's gotta give. is it my turn yet? am i even ready? apparently not is what i deduce since i am still here. i have been asking the L-rd to keep my in this season, of being single and here at work, as long as necessary. that's not always a fun or easy prayer. to feel these emotions reminds me that i am alive, and that my decisions and actions, my prayers,petitions, and my community change things. community, huh? what would i do without them? i would be consumed by these emotions, lethargy, and ambivalence. what about G-d? i would still know Him and desire a relationship with Him, but my growth in Him would me minuscule. i JUST realized Kingdom Living is a miracle intervention placed in my life by Hashem. wow...i didn't know this before. whew...bless the L-rd.
while i feel mostly negative i have seen this 'episode' differently than usual. i know the L-rd works through these low times. He works at all times! it's not necessarily "bad" that i feel this way. i have been honest about how i am feeling and know that it isn't without purpose. i wonder how long it would have taken me to realize the miracle that is KL. maybe these 'episodes' are put in place to help force me to be introspective. to look at the deeper matters of my heart. they are hard times to be sure. they are necessary opportunities to grow. and to depend on community, just a few minutes ago one of my friends gave me some great advice to do something. i couldn't see that on my own this time. i am not alone; i am surrounded with no chance of escape ; ). i'm right where i want/need/desire to be.
surround: verb.1.be all around; encircle.2.be associated with.
noun.1.a border or edging.2.surroundings
definititions from askoxford.com
sometimes i start to forget how much my community means to me. i feel this way every few months or so. i will call them 'episodes'. the pull to travel and experience new sights and sounds hits me hard. i get bored with where i am at. let me specify. where i am working and the fact that this job doesn't even come close to touching the desires of my heart, my passions, my longing for adventure, and for life. i thought i was done here. i believe i am close, but every day that passes brings me closer. there isn't much consolation in knowing that. i want to be able to see it. to hold it in my hands. to know it and embrace it with my heart. my spirit longs to stand up and flow in my giftings. to be heard, to be seen, to be creative, to learn, to experiment, to grow, to experience life, to be loved, to love, to be bold. i am tired. i am overwhelmed. i feel stuck. something's gotta give. is it my turn yet? am i even ready? apparently not is what i deduce since i am still here. i have been asking the L-rd to keep my in this season, of being single and here at work, as long as necessary. that's not always a fun or easy prayer. to feel these emotions reminds me that i am alive, and that my decisions and actions, my prayers,petitions, and my community change things. community, huh? what would i do without them? i would be consumed by these emotions, lethargy, and ambivalence. what about G-d? i would still know Him and desire a relationship with Him, but my growth in Him would me minuscule. i JUST realized Kingdom Living is a miracle intervention placed in my life by Hashem. wow...i didn't know this before. whew...bless the L-rd.
while i feel mostly negative i have seen this 'episode' differently than usual. i know the L-rd works through these low times. He works at all times! it's not necessarily "bad" that i feel this way. i have been honest about how i am feeling and know that it isn't without purpose. i wonder how long it would have taken me to realize the miracle that is KL. maybe these 'episodes' are put in place to help force me to be introspective. to look at the deeper matters of my heart. they are hard times to be sure. they are necessary opportunities to grow. and to depend on community, just a few minutes ago one of my friends gave me some great advice to do something. i couldn't see that on my own this time. i am not alone; i am surrounded with no chance of escape ; ). i'm right where i want/need/desire to be.
surround: verb.1.be all around; encircle.2.be associated with.
noun.1.a border or edging.2.surroundings
definititions from askoxford.com
14.5.10
Monday or Tuesday of this week I decided that a change is necessary. I have become slightly obsessed with the lemon blueberry muffins at 515 Coffee, and with certain iced coffee drinks. I notice that when I start my day with said muffin, even if I eat it mid-morning, I crave more refined carbohydrates and sweets than I do if I haven't consumed a muffin. Oddly enough I don't start feeling bloated until I am no longer eating. I have noticed this over the course of the last year. I will eat something, crave more, eat more, crave more, eat more...you get the idea. (This isn't limited to just muffins, bagels, teddy grahams, donuts, etc. these do the same thing.) I decided to eliminate refined carbs from my diet as much as possible for the next 2 weeks. That's right. I will allow myself to eat sweets on Sabbath, though, even then I am not going to stuff my face.
I'm letting you all know because if I keep it to myself I am not accountable to anyone and I fail.
For me it's a matter of self-control. A matter of being disciplined and reaping the benefits. Last night a friend texted a quote to me from the book Assumptions by Dr Christian Overman, "self control is not just a matter of restraining evil impulses, but of initiating good without being manipulated to do so." Oh my how that spoke to me. When I eat like that it does not allow for my body to heal. In fact, I take about 10 steps back. I was incredibly bloated and uncomfortable yesterday and the day before. Before that I had been doing loads better. My body was finally starting to feel 'normal' again after over a year of being bloated. To say that I am learning lesson upon lesson would be an understatement. It's a bummer I had to learn this lesson this way, so hopefully I will finally learn my lesson!
The two weeks starts today. I have mixed emotions. I know it will be good. I know it will be hard. I was watching Veggie Tales with Noah last night and one of the lessons Minnesota Cuke had to learn was the right thing to do isn't always the easy thing. I thought about my struggle. The "right" thing to do is definitely not the easiest choice.
I'm letting you all know because if I keep it to myself I am not accountable to anyone and I fail.
For me it's a matter of self-control. A matter of being disciplined and reaping the benefits. Last night a friend texted a quote to me from the book Assumptions by Dr Christian Overman, "self control is not just a matter of restraining evil impulses, but of initiating good without being manipulated to do so." Oh my how that spoke to me. When I eat like that it does not allow for my body to heal. In fact, I take about 10 steps back. I was incredibly bloated and uncomfortable yesterday and the day before. Before that I had been doing loads better. My body was finally starting to feel 'normal' again after over a year of being bloated. To say that I am learning lesson upon lesson would be an understatement. It's a bummer I had to learn this lesson this way, so hopefully I will finally learn my lesson!
The two weeks starts today. I have mixed emotions. I know it will be good. I know it will be hard. I was watching Veggie Tales with Noah last night and one of the lessons Minnesota Cuke had to learn was the right thing to do isn't always the easy thing. I thought about my struggle. The "right" thing to do is definitely not the easiest choice.
11.5.10
8.5.10
April 22, 2010-Earth Day/Inspiration Day
I came across an article covering an Earth Day runway show. The clothing was made out of recycled materials such as newspaper, old trench coats, old denim, etc. I thought this was a great idea. Make new articles of clothing from stuff I don't wear anymore.
I decided to try this out and make a skirt out of old t-shirts. I told my friend Peg about my idea and asked if she would help me by doing the sewing part. (and teach me as we go) She thought it was a great idea. For one we would get to hang out, two it sounded like fun.
I took my t-shirts to her place today and told her what I was thinking. We matched up t-shirts to go together and started cutting.
She hasn't ever done a project like this. She said it is a bit of a challenge and that excites her. She likes figuring out how to make it work. I'm glad. I'm sure I could have figured it out, but it would have looked way different. A project like this needed more thought put into it than I imagined.
She is the sewing brains behind the operation and planner/corrector/amazing/co-designer. I am the cutter/photographer/iced coffee drinker/co-designer.
I came across an article covering an Earth Day runway show. The clothing was made out of recycled materials such as newspaper, old trench coats, old denim, etc. I thought this was a great idea. Make new articles of clothing from stuff I don't wear anymore.
I decided to try this out and make a skirt out of old t-shirts. I told my friend Peg about my idea and asked if she would help me by doing the sewing part. (and teach me as we go) She thought it was a great idea. For one we would get to hang out, two it sounded like fun.
I took my t-shirts to her place today and told her what I was thinking. We matched up t-shirts to go together and started cutting.
She hasn't ever done a project like this. She said it is a bit of a challenge and that excites her. She likes figuring out how to make it work. I'm glad. I'm sure I could have figured it out, but it would have looked way different. A project like this needed more thought put into it than I imagined.
She is the sewing brains behind the operation and planner/corrector/amazing/co-designer. I am the cutter/photographer/iced coffee drinker/co-designer. 
The skirt isn't finished just yet. We are both excited to see how it turns out!
5.5.10
i am bored and half asleep. i was trying to read a running article, but that wasn't able to hold my interest. i can only read a few running articles before i get annoyed that i can't get up and run. i would much rather be running than reading a running article. i have already been on facebook, checked both of my e-mail accounts, scouted my blog list for updates, and picked my nose. (is she joking?)
what to do when bored at work? get a new job. when that isn't yet an option try a crossword puzzle, read about the massive oil spill in the gulf coast, check out jpost.com, or update your blog. all of this after you have finished your work responsibilities, of course, and have eaten too much sugar. honestly, i haven't had that much, yet i feel as though i have overdosed. not a fun feeling.
my after work plan for today was to go on a run. i don't feel motivated at the moment to go on this run. i know i will go. it's hard to think about going when i could fall asleep in my chair. i haven't run since last tuesday. let me tell you, that was a mighty fine run. i think something is wrong with my stopwatch, though. i think it speeds up causing me to think i run much faster than i do. seriously though, i don't feel like i am running that 'fast'. anyone have a stop watch i can borrow for a run to test this out? my plan is to time myself with 2 s-watches.
since you brought up my run last tuesday i might as well tell you about the part that made me smile the most. i had the route planned out in my head. I ran a little over 3 miles out therefore, i had a little over 3 miles back. the second 3 miles i decided to see how fast i could run it. the trail i ran on has half mile markers, love those markers, and for my last three miles i had to double back in order to have a full 3 miles and then walk or jog home. there was a little girl on the trail with her grandmother. she was riding her bike and being a cute little girl. when i turned around at the marker i heard her ask, "Grandma, why is she running in cirlces?" big smile on my face and a chuckle. about 5 or 6 minutes later i ran past them again and the little girl said, "Grandma, there she is again!" i waved at them and was impressed with the little girl being observant and not absorbed in her own little world. ahh...the little things that make me smile.
what to do when bored at work? get a new job. when that isn't yet an option try a crossword puzzle, read about the massive oil spill in the gulf coast, check out jpost.com, or update your blog. all of this after you have finished your work responsibilities, of course, and have eaten too much sugar. honestly, i haven't had that much, yet i feel as though i have overdosed. not a fun feeling.
my after work plan for today was to go on a run. i don't feel motivated at the moment to go on this run. i know i will go. it's hard to think about going when i could fall asleep in my chair. i haven't run since last tuesday. let me tell you, that was a mighty fine run. i think something is wrong with my stopwatch, though. i think it speeds up causing me to think i run much faster than i do. seriously though, i don't feel like i am running that 'fast'. anyone have a stop watch i can borrow for a run to test this out? my plan is to time myself with 2 s-watches.
since you brought up my run last tuesday i might as well tell you about the part that made me smile the most. i had the route planned out in my head. I ran a little over 3 miles out therefore, i had a little over 3 miles back. the second 3 miles i decided to see how fast i could run it. the trail i ran on has half mile markers, love those markers, and for my last three miles i had to double back in order to have a full 3 miles and then walk or jog home. there was a little girl on the trail with her grandmother. she was riding her bike and being a cute little girl. when i turned around at the marker i heard her ask, "Grandma, why is she running in cirlces?" big smile on my face and a chuckle. about 5 or 6 minutes later i ran past them again and the little girl said, "Grandma, there she is again!" i waved at them and was impressed with the little girl being observant and not absorbed in her own little world. ahh...the little things that make me smile.
4.5.10
Dancing the Night Away
April 16, 2010, wasn't your average day. "Why is this?", you might ask. I danced. Big whoop! People dance all of the time. Yes, people do. I do not. Dancing is inside of me. At weddings or parties it has tried to force itself out, but I wouldn't have it. I settled for fear and disappointment, even a sense of shame instead.
Denessa and I before the party.
My dear friend Peg
Denessa and I before the party.
My dear friend Peg
This dope girl is Marcy
Janet, Denessa, Cami, Marcy and the Dancing Queen
Janet, Denessa, Cami, Marcy and the Dancing Queen
Denessa and myself on the dance floor
Crystal!
Crystal!
This woman has been a part of my life since day 1. She has been a friend of my moms for 30 years give or take a few. When I told my mom I was doing BreakThrough in March she told me Janet was going, also. I have been blessed to get to know her and hear her story.
"What made this night different?" I am glad you asked. I went to a semi-formal event held by Heart Connexion Ministries. This ministry is responsible for the BreakThrough seminar I have been attending over the last month and a half. The annual Gala fell on April 16 this year, marking the halfway point between BT2 and BT3. We enjoyed a fancy dinner and good fellowship, but everyone was waiting for the treat coming after dinner. If you guessed dessert you are partially correct, and only partially because this "dessert" or "icing on the cake" was the dance party. (the food dessert was also amazing).
"What made this night different?" I am glad you asked. I went to a semi-formal event held by Heart Connexion Ministries. This ministry is responsible for the BreakThrough seminar I have been attending over the last month and a half. The annual Gala fell on April 16 this year, marking the halfway point between BT2 and BT3. We enjoyed a fancy dinner and good fellowship, but everyone was waiting for the treat coming after dinner. If you guessed dessert you are partially correct, and only partially because this "dessert" or "icing on the cake" was the dance party. (the food dessert was also amazing).
I had on 4" heels. How women dance in heels eludes me. The music started and the majority of the room headed toward the dance floor. When I first started dancing I felt awkward with a capital "A". I figured out in less than a minute that the heels had to go. I ran back to my chair and pulled my awesome red flats out of my purse, slipped them on, and was back out on the floor in no time. This time I felt awkward with a little "a". I kept dancing with my girls, though. I told Peg how I felt and she said we were just getting the dirt off. I must have been pretty dirty. It took a few minutes for me to emerge, but once I did there was no gasping for fresh air. There was simply body movin', music to groove-in fun. There were a few times I had to remind myself to let loose and play. No one was watching me anyway. They were all having their own fun.
Needless to say I had a blast. I was able to get past the point of caring, and even thinking, about what others probably weren't even thinking of me while I danced. Talk about freedom! And that was just a taste of what is happening and has yet to come.
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