i am bored and half asleep. i was trying to read a running article, but that wasn't able to hold my interest. i can only read a few running articles before i get annoyed that i can't get up and run. i would much rather be running than reading a running article. i have already been on facebook, checked both of my e-mail accounts, scouted my blog list for updates, and picked my nose. (is she joking?)
what to do when bored at work? get a new job. when that isn't yet an option try a crossword puzzle, read about the massive oil spill in the gulf coast, check out jpost.com, or update your blog. all of this after you have finished your work responsibilities, of course, and have eaten too much sugar. honestly, i haven't had that much, yet i feel as though i have overdosed. not a fun feeling.
my after work plan for today was to go on a run. i don't feel motivated at the moment to go on this run. i know i will go. it's hard to think about going when i could fall asleep in my chair. i haven't run since last tuesday. let me tell you, that was a mighty fine run. i think something is wrong with my stopwatch, though. i think it speeds up causing me to think i run much faster than i do. seriously though, i don't feel like i am running that 'fast'. anyone have a stop watch i can borrow for a run to test this out? my plan is to time myself with 2 s-watches.
since you brought up my run last tuesday i might as well tell you about the part that made me smile the most. i had the route planned out in my head. I ran a little over 3 miles out therefore, i had a little over 3 miles back. the second 3 miles i decided to see how fast i could run it. the trail i ran on has half mile markers, love those markers, and for my last three miles i had to double back in order to have a full 3 miles and then walk or jog home. there was a little girl on the trail with her grandmother. she was riding her bike and being a cute little girl. when i turned around at the marker i heard her ask, "Grandma, why is she running in cirlces?" big smile on my face and a chuckle. about 5 or 6 minutes later i ran past them again and the little girl said, "Grandma, there she is again!" i waved at them and was impressed with the little girl being observant and not absorbed in her own little world. ahh...the little things that make me smile.
5.5.10
4.5.10
Dancing the Night Away
April 16, 2010, wasn't your average day. "Why is this?", you might ask. I danced. Big whoop! People dance all of the time. Yes, people do. I do not. Dancing is inside of me. At weddings or parties it has tried to force itself out, but I wouldn't have it. I settled for fear and disappointment, even a sense of shame instead.
Denessa and I before the party.
My dear friend Peg
Denessa and I before the party.
My dear friend Peg
This dope girl is Marcy
Janet, Denessa, Cami, Marcy and the Dancing Queen
Janet, Denessa, Cami, Marcy and the Dancing Queen
Denessa and myself on the dance floor
Crystal!
Crystal!
This woman has been a part of my life since day 1. She has been a friend of my moms for 30 years give or take a few. When I told my mom I was doing BreakThrough in March she told me Janet was going, also. I have been blessed to get to know her and hear her story.
"What made this night different?" I am glad you asked. I went to a semi-formal event held by Heart Connexion Ministries. This ministry is responsible for the BreakThrough seminar I have been attending over the last month and a half. The annual Gala fell on April 16 this year, marking the halfway point between BT2 and BT3. We enjoyed a fancy dinner and good fellowship, but everyone was waiting for the treat coming after dinner. If you guessed dessert you are partially correct, and only partially because this "dessert" or "icing on the cake" was the dance party. (the food dessert was also amazing).
"What made this night different?" I am glad you asked. I went to a semi-formal event held by Heart Connexion Ministries. This ministry is responsible for the BreakThrough seminar I have been attending over the last month and a half. The annual Gala fell on April 16 this year, marking the halfway point between BT2 and BT3. We enjoyed a fancy dinner and good fellowship, but everyone was waiting for the treat coming after dinner. If you guessed dessert you are partially correct, and only partially because this "dessert" or "icing on the cake" was the dance party. (the food dessert was also amazing).
I had on 4" heels. How women dance in heels eludes me. The music started and the majority of the room headed toward the dance floor. When I first started dancing I felt awkward with a capital "A". I figured out in less than a minute that the heels had to go. I ran back to my chair and pulled my awesome red flats out of my purse, slipped them on, and was back out on the floor in no time. This time I felt awkward with a little "a". I kept dancing with my girls, though. I told Peg how I felt and she said we were just getting the dirt off. I must have been pretty dirty. It took a few minutes for me to emerge, but once I did there was no gasping for fresh air. There was simply body movin', music to groove-in fun. There were a few times I had to remind myself to let loose and play. No one was watching me anyway. They were all having their own fun.
Needless to say I had a blast. I was able to get past the point of caring, and even thinking, about what others probably weren't even thinking of me while I danced. Talk about freedom! And that was just a taste of what is happening and has yet to come.
26.4.10
21.4.10
31.3.10
The mittens are exciting, but honestly most of you already know about them and have seen them. There is so much more than mittens going on in life right now.
I don't know if people will believe me when I talk about the difference of who I was and who I am. I was very good at wearing a mask and slipping past the hard questions (even the easy ones). I was afraid I would give the "wrong" answer. Far too long I have made the opinions of others my own. Their colors of choice my I made my colors, their likes and dislikes were my likes and dislikes. I was afraid people wouldn't like me for me. I have done this since childhood to a degree, and it only became worse with time. My parents separated when I was 16 1/2. At the beginning of summer following my sophmore year. This affected me deeper than I knew. At the same time my best friend, who had been by my side for about two years and helped me through some crap, wasn't there anymore. I had to be strong for my sisters, my mom, but who would be strong for me? I trusted in the L-rd. I thank Him for His strength during that time. I still didn't have what I needed though.
My junior and senior years were lived in a self-imposed solitude. I hung out with people some, but I basically turned people down and made excuses to not hang out. Then when I would hear classmates talking about the awesome weekend they had and I would feel hurt, jealous and wonder why they didn't invite me. My voice was gone and I didn't even know it.
I put on a good mask, and while all of me wasn't fake I wasn't very deep. (I don't mean in the sense of being profound.) As I said earlier, if I stalled long enough a distraction would come along and people would forget I was asked a question. I tried to create a safe environment around myself, but instead I built walls so high there was little light, little true joy, and fewer genuine smiles were seen on my face. There were, however, plenty of plastic smiles.
Some dear friends told me about BreakThrough (BT) last summer. It wasn't until this winter that I finally became fed up with how I was living. I knew I wasn't the real me. That burden became heavier every day. I had to do something about it. I felt that BT was probably the key. At least a key. The week before BT 1 another dear friend shared with our small group a vision that she had of me. I was a ballerina spinning and spinning. The L-rd wanted me to stop. I stopped spinning then I started leaping. She asked how I was supposed to stop spinning, and the L-rd said, "Breakthrough". She then heard Him say, "Sing forth" or "Sing out". It was a "be loud" message. I went in to BT expecting only a little to happen. I half expected it to be like other seminars that I have been to in the past. I was wrong. Talk about deep healing. I left BT 1 with little emotion about it. I was excited for BT 2 which was a gruelling 10 days away. My friend heard the truth. BreakThrough has been key for me, and it isn't over yet. I have an amazing support group made up of the other BT attendees, as well as those in my community. We have become so close to each other. It has been an incredible honor to be trusted with their fears, their pain, their joys, and being able to see who them grow. Realizing who they are and throwing out the lies. I'm excited for myself. I am also excited for all of them. I'm glad we don't have to go at it alone! A month from yesterday I go back for BT 3! To collect more tools to live as a free, real, adventurous princess.
Something incredible happened from March 24 - March 28 at BreakThrough seminar #2. I met a very important person. Her name? Allison Joy Welton.
I would recommend BreakThrough to everyone. Without a doubt.
This is just the beginning of my story. A few quick pictures of how I used to be. A lot happened during those 4 1/2 days. A lot has changed. I have found my voice.
Heart Connexion Ministries www.heartconnexion.org
Dr. Paul Fitzgerald www.graceconnexion.org
I don't know if people will believe me when I talk about the difference of who I was and who I am. I was very good at wearing a mask and slipping past the hard questions (even the easy ones). I was afraid I would give the "wrong" answer. Far too long I have made the opinions of others my own. Their colors of choice my I made my colors, their likes and dislikes were my likes and dislikes. I was afraid people wouldn't like me for me. I have done this since childhood to a degree, and it only became worse with time. My parents separated when I was 16 1/2. At the beginning of summer following my sophmore year. This affected me deeper than I knew. At the same time my best friend, who had been by my side for about two years and helped me through some crap, wasn't there anymore. I had to be strong for my sisters, my mom, but who would be strong for me? I trusted in the L-rd. I thank Him for His strength during that time. I still didn't have what I needed though.
My junior and senior years were lived in a self-imposed solitude. I hung out with people some, but I basically turned people down and made excuses to not hang out. Then when I would hear classmates talking about the awesome weekend they had and I would feel hurt, jealous and wonder why they didn't invite me. My voice was gone and I didn't even know it.
I put on a good mask, and while all of me wasn't fake I wasn't very deep. (I don't mean in the sense of being profound.) As I said earlier, if I stalled long enough a distraction would come along and people would forget I was asked a question. I tried to create a safe environment around myself, but instead I built walls so high there was little light, little true joy, and fewer genuine smiles were seen on my face. There were, however, plenty of plastic smiles.
Some dear friends told me about BreakThrough (BT) last summer. It wasn't until this winter that I finally became fed up with how I was living. I knew I wasn't the real me. That burden became heavier every day. I had to do something about it. I felt that BT was probably the key. At least a key. The week before BT 1 another dear friend shared with our small group a vision that she had of me. I was a ballerina spinning and spinning. The L-rd wanted me to stop. I stopped spinning then I started leaping. She asked how I was supposed to stop spinning, and the L-rd said, "Breakthrough". She then heard Him say, "Sing forth" or "Sing out". It was a "be loud" message. I went in to BT expecting only a little to happen. I half expected it to be like other seminars that I have been to in the past. I was wrong. Talk about deep healing. I left BT 1 with little emotion about it. I was excited for BT 2 which was a gruelling 10 days away. My friend heard the truth. BreakThrough has been key for me, and it isn't over yet. I have an amazing support group made up of the other BT attendees, as well as those in my community. We have become so close to each other. It has been an incredible honor to be trusted with their fears, their pain, their joys, and being able to see who them grow. Realizing who they are and throwing out the lies. I'm excited for myself. I am also excited for all of them. I'm glad we don't have to go at it alone! A month from yesterday I go back for BT 3! To collect more tools to live as a free, real, adventurous princess.
Something incredible happened from March 24 - March 28 at BreakThrough seminar #2. I met a very important person. Her name? Allison Joy Welton.
I would recommend BreakThrough to everyone. Without a doubt.
This is just the beginning of my story. A few quick pictures of how I used to be. A lot happened during those 4 1/2 days. A lot has changed. I have found my voice.
Heart Connexion Ministries www.heartconnexion.org
Dr. Paul Fitzgerald www.graceconnexion.org
You might not believe how excited I was/am about the mitten contest I entered. I was so excited when I entered it, and I couldn't wait until the next Monday when we were supposed to find out who won. Well, Monday came and went. I checked the Cafe Cartolina blog with bated breath. There was a list of names. What is this?! Is that my name?! I was in a slight state of shock. As a result of this shock I checked the blog address next to my name 2 or 3 different times. Sure enough. It was me. Allison - allisonjw.blogspot.com. I WON A PAIR OF MITTENS!!!!! 11 people were awarded a pair of the fun red Vancouver 2010 Maple leaf mittens. Do you want to see them? Ask me later....
JUST KIDDING!! I have stalled far too long to make anyone else wait to see the amazing mittens.
30.3.10
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