"It is not the high summer alone that is God's. The winter also is His. And into His winter He came to visit us. And all man's winters are His-the winter of our poverty, the winter of our sorrow, the winter of our unhappiness-even 'the winter of our discontent'. Winter does not belong to death, although the outside of it looks like death. Beneath the snow, the grass is growing a spring too weak and feeble for us to see that it is living. The cold does for all things what the gardener has sometimes to do for valuable trees: he must half kill them before they will bear any fruit. Winter is in truth the small beginnings of the spring.

The winter is the childhood of the year. Into this childhood of the year came the child Jesus; and into this childhood of the year must we all descend. It is as if God spoke to each of us according to our need: My son, my daughter, you are growing old and cunning; you must grow a child again, with my son, this blessed birth-time. You are growing old and selfish; you must become a child. You are growing old and careful; you much become a child. You are growing old and distrustful; you must become a child. You are growing old and petty, and weak, and foolish; you must become a child-my child, like the baby there, that strong sunrise of faith and hope and love, lying in his mother's arms in the stable."

Adela Cathcart by George MacDonald

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I am overwhelmingly encouraged by the fact that the LORD knows me. He knows what interests me, He knew who the best person to set up as my Tutor, He knows how to guide and direct my path. He waits patiently for me to realize the things about me that He already knows. I am the one who has tried to study, follow, and believe what other people are studying, learning, and believing. I’ve realized that I need to read and pursue the topics that touch me deeply and move me. As I do that I will, hopefully, learn what it is that He has for me to learn. Be it about Him, people, or the world around me. Creation is full of things to know. I believe there are different times to learn different things. I have tried to jump onto the paths of others and learn what they are studying. I find what they are in to interesting and see them as things I would like to know, but often times I become burned out by trying to study what isn’t mine to study yet. I have been, and if I am honest with myself still can be, too concerned with what other people think about me, what they think about what I enjoy, what I choose to spend my time pursuing, etc. So my study and my life becomes what other people are pursuing, and I am no closer to knowing me, what I truly enjoy, and how the LORD created me. There are more things to study and learn than I will ever be able to. I have to be okay with that. Otherwise I might go crazy. As it is, I am feeling more and more healed as each day goes on, and I am more affirmed in who I am, in who I was created to be. I am by no means perfect, nor do I ever think I will reach perfection. The LORD is Beautiful. He is Incredible. He is Loving. He is Just. Righteous. He is more than I will ever be able to know. Hmm…I think I need to let that last part sink in and take root.

I am excited. I am reading fairy tales, the Bible, a book about Christian Mythmakers, and today was lent a community college textbook on western heritage.

The best update I can manage at the moment is that I think I have the flu. :( Hopefully I will be up for updating more soon.

I have heard this is the rainiest season Bowen has had in a long time. It is raining yet again today. Apparently they would be done with the rain. It is usually warmer by now as well. Fortunately I went on an exploration hike (by myself) yesterday before lunch, worked outside in the afternoon, and after dinner walked to town with a new friend.

This rainy day is reflecting how I feel at the moment. I am working with identity and confidence issues. Issues that I dealt with in KC, but have quickly come to the forefront here. It's hard, but I know it is good, or will be, and is necessary for growth. And I want to continue to grow. Overall my time has been good. I am learning about myself and living with other people. I am going over things with the Lord, and reading a lot. :)

In a few minutes I will be off to The Snug to sip on an americano and hopefully face time Ang. This afternoon some of us decided to do some baking. Should be fun times.